Being resilient - this scientific-sounding term initially conceals a bit of everyday physics. Translated from English, the word means ‘elastic, resilient, resistant’. Surely you know those soft, colourful anti-stress balls that - no matter how much you knead them - always return to their original round shape relatively quickly? It is similar with a person we call resilient. A resilient person copes with the unexpected and emerges stronger from crises. I summarise what you can do to become more resilient in this blog post.

The idea of resilience is based on a way of thinking that focuses on a person's resources rather than their problems and symptoms. It was pioneered by the sociologist Aaron Antonovsky. He argued in favour of asking the questions differently: Instead of asking ‘What is someone doing wrong so that he or she becomes unhappy and ill?’ to ask: ‘What is someone (already) doing right so that he or she becomes happier and healthier as a result?’

Every person has an individual nervous system and reacts differently to stressors. Stressors can be, for example, noise, time pressure, crises, illness or negative thoughts. Stress is not something negative per se. According to the physician Hans Selye, it is an ‘unspecific reaction of the body to every demand placed on it’. Stress can spur us on in the short term. However, if we are frequently or permanently stressed, it makes us ill.

Scientific studies have shown ...

• that resilience promotes health: We recover faster and stay healthy for longer.

• that resilience develops in early childhood, but can also be learnt later in life.

Learning is where you come into play. There are seven levers you can turn.

1. Set goals

2. Adopt an optimistic attitude

3. Accept the inevitable

4. Think solution-orientated

5. Leave the role of victim

6. Take responsibility

7. Cultivate networks

1. Set goals

‘Live in the here and now’ - you often hear or read this advice when it comes to mental health. As important as it is to enjoy the present, the concept of resilience goes one step further. According to this concept, it is good for people to look to the future with joy and curiosity, i.e. to have a goal or goals. What do you want for the coming years? What would you like to leave behind for the world, your children, your friends? Write down your vision and ask yourself at the end of the day: What decisions have I made today that will bring me closer to my goals? What am I proud of today?

2. Adopt an optimistic attitude

‘An optimist is a person who thinks everything is half as bad or twice as good’ - this quote from Heinz Rühmann makes it clear that a change of perspective and inner dialogue can turn a pessimist into an optimist. Easy to say. There are a few tricks you can use to dampen or switch off your negative thoughts. Try them out!

• If you find yourself ruminating again, shout ‘Stop’ to yourself or out loud. The signal should stop the carousel of thoughts and make you turn your attention to something else.

• Smile! Even if it feels artificial. Your brain and your emotions follow your facial muscles.

• Consciously look for the good in a situation. No free parking space in front of your flat? Instead of getting angry, enjoy a short evening walk and discover a new shop two street corners away.

• Keep a gratitude diary. What three things are you grateful for tonight? Sometimes you are amazed at what you can gain from a supposedly bad day. Day can still gain. Instead of a to-do list, write a what-I-have-done list.

• Moderate when and how many messages you consume. Go offline for a while, otherwise you will be bombarded with negativity.

• Don't (only) surround yourself with sourpusses, but also with sunny children. Complaining rubs off, laughter is contagious.

• Avoid comparisons. The neighbour's grass is supposedly always greener. This is often not true, and even if it is: Comparisons make you unhappy.

• Read books or blog articles like this one from time to time. Optimism is a muscle that needs to be exercised.

3. Accepting the inevitable

What is, is, and many things simply pass away. Life is subject to constant change. If you accept a situation, you make peace with it and can move on from there. You can mourn the unchangeable, but at some point it is simply time to let go. You have overcome difficulties in the past and will do so again. What helped you back then? Gerd Kaluza has defined an emergency strategy: Accepting the situation (don't argue, don't fight back), cooling down your feelings (e.g. through relaxation techniques and deep breathing), analysing (is it really that bad?) and taking action (say no). If nothing can be done to change the situation, distraction (e.g. reading, listening to music) can help.

4. Solution-orientated thinking

If you brood a lot and talk a lot about problems, you make them bigger in your mind. Instead of thinking about mistakes and guilt, it is better to look for a solution and take action. It helps if you ask yourself ‘how’ you can do it and ‘what’ you need to do it and not ‘whether’ you can do it. You can try out a possible solution according to the motto ‘just do it’. Sometimes we think too quickly that we have already grasped all the facets of a problem. But is that really the case? Write down everything you can think of about your challenge - even the crazy and off-the-wall ideas are welcome. What could you do to exacerbate the problem? Which uninvolved person could you ask for advice? Open a dictionary somewhere and pick a word at random - what could it have to do with the problem?

5. Leaving the role of victim

Sometimes we become victims - perhaps through an accident, by chance or through the actions of someone else. We cannot prevent this. But the concept of resilience is about not settling into the role of victim and staying there. ‘Why should I do that? Because the victim role is sometimes so comfortable. It relieves us of responsibility and we get encouragement from others. But it doesn't last forever and we only prolong the pain. Don't turn your life into a disaster film in your mind. Try the ‘stop’ technique mentioned above and stay strong. Ask yourself honestly: How threatening is the problem really? Do I really need to be depressed, angry, desperate or offended for days on end because of x or y?

6. Taking responsibility

Parents are responsible for their children, and one day children may be responsible for their parents. In between, apart from legal or medical exceptions, we as adults are responsible for ourselves. We are ‘the architect of our own happiness’, i.e. we are responsible for how we treat our bodies, our minds and other people. Ideally, we keep our wishes and goals in mind and create a balance between tension and relaxation. In order to be able to behave and control ourselves in this way, we need to recognise and get to know ourselves. The following questions can help: What characteristics, values and skills do I have? What are my strengths and weaknesses? How do I feel? What do I trust myself to do? What do I need? What am I worth to myself? And last but not least: How do others see me?

7. Maintain networks

Beneficial relationships and contacts strengthen our resilience. Family, friends and virtual relationships are networks that we can turn to for help in difficult times. Be honest: when was the last time you contacted someone in your network? How long have you been putting off a phone call or a visit? Relationships need time, attention and care. Like plants, they need to be watered regularly. Contacts are particularly energising when they are a give and take. Asking for help may take some effort, but it is not a sign of weakness, but of strength and courage.

That was a lot of ‘wood’ and is not meant to be overwhelming, but rather encouraging. There are many things we can do to become more resilient. We all have our story, our ‘baggage to carry’, as they sometimes say. But we have a choice. We can either carry the rucksack reluctantly, groaning, cursing and bending under the weight, or we can straighten our backs, perhaps throw a few stones out of the rucksack and move forward step by step.